When Fear Masquerades as Strength

We’ve all seen it. The photo taken moments after Donald Trump’s first assassination attempt, blood streaked across his face, his fist raised in defiance. Of course, he was terrified! Yet, how does he look in the picture? Angry? Defiant? Unshakable?

Many of us might have had the same instinctual response to such a scary, horrific event. After all, we’re hard-wired to respond to danger from our primitive brain, the amygdala. It’s the part of the brain that fires in nanoseconds when we feel threatened. Our visceral response is to either fight “the bear” or run away from it.

Fear isn’t our problem. It’s when we don’t defuse the fear stored in our bodies in response to perceived danger. If day after day, we stoke fear, before long we can become masters of disguise, appearing “like the bear” while underneath the costume of strength is actually the core emotion of fear and some of its other siblings (anxiety, worry, insecurity, nervousness, or stress). Do you recall the moment after the curtain was pulled back and the Great Wizard of Oz was revealed as a small, insecure, and frightened man? That’s what I’m getting out here.

I know what it’s like in my own life when fear masquerades as strength, especially when I feel bullied. I have a surprising and uncharacteristic response. I puff up my persona to appear larger and more secure than I feel in that moment. I grab for words, sometimes harsh, insensitive, intense ones, as I face off with the other whom I perceive to be threatening me. It’s not a good thing. It causes harm to the relationship and sabotages the possibility of any meaningful engagement.

Obviously, we’re in the throes of a nationwide, even worldwide pandemic of fear. Anxiety, the embodied feeling of fear, is running dangerously high today. While fear is a normal human emotion, when it poses as strength, it can exhibit some disastrous traits. Here are just a few.

●      When fear masquerades as strength, it appears more formidable than it really is.

Because our primitive brain is hard-wired to react quickly to what we perceive as danger, we sometimes act boldly and aggressively as a form of defense, appearing larger and more intimidating than we really are. The above photo is an example. See how fierce this two-pound chihuahua looks, as if it could take your leg off when, in reality, it could be thwarted with a firm kick in self-defense? (I’m not supporting dog-kicking here, btw.) When fear masquerades as strength, it can be confusingly convincing!

In comparison, real strength is the ability and willingness to acknowledge when one is truly afraid and to monitor one’s actions in response to fear. I think of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, so full of terror, dread, and fear that he sweat drops of blood! He felt no shame in being afraid.

●      When fear masquerades as strength, it uses words as weapons.

Fear masquerading as strength uses “power” words as its preferred weapon of war. Words that sound certain, words that defy being questioned, words that cut the enemy down to size. Mean words. Ugly words. Demeaning words. While as kids, we were told that “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” our fear persona knows otherwise. Words are like poisonous darts, piercing the armor of our opponent to weaken them and inciting others to join our smear campaign.

If we peruse the gospels, we will notice how tender Jesus’ words were with most people, especially those whom he called “the least of these.” However, when he did use strong words, they were truthful and accurate, and their aim was to pierce the heart of the proud, the spiritually blind, the oppressors.

●      When fear masquerades as strength, it turns others into enemies.

Fear masquerading as strength perceives as an enemy, anyone who threatens what it values or who blocks its goals. Say, for instance, you’re walking to your car in a dark parking garage one evening. Suddenly, you hear steps behind you, catching up to you. You turn quickly, ready to take cover, hit your car alarm or the person in pursuit! If you don’t take time to look at his smiling face with the paid parking ticket you dropped in his outstretched hand, you will continue to operate on the assumption that you’re in danger instead of being followed by a good citizen. That’s how fear works. Upon the first indication of threat, fear locks down on the other as foe unless it’s willing to take a second (or third or fourth) look.

Jesus taught a countercultural way of relating to our enemies—real or perceived. While it was and still seems to be human nature to “love your neighbor and hate your enemy,” Jesus tells us to love our enemies and do good to those who harm us with no promise that they will respond in kind.

●      When fear masquerades as strength, it generates even more fear.

Fear masquerading as strength is contagious—and it sells! There’s something about experiencing fear in others that ignites fear in us, in our bodies. Let me illustrate from my own life experience. Several years ago, David and I were visiting his parents at their condo in Florida. His mom and dad had a habit of watching Fox News, on and off, throughout the entire day. I remember being in our bedroom, at the opposite end of the condo, and noticing the feeling of anxiousness in my body. I suddenly realized that I was (unconsciously) responding to the fevered pace and pitch of the voices on Fox News! No wonder our nervous systems are frayed and exhausted by continuous exposure to “breaking news.” It’s news that sells. The more terrifying, the better!

Many leaders today know the power of fear and use it to prey on vulnerable people, manipulating them by arousing fear while donning a messianic mantle of faux strength. Jesus understands our weaknesses and makes a very different offer—an offer to be with us when we’re afraid! His compassionate presence is truly what calms our fears.

We all have a relationship, a history with fear. We all have things that trigger fear in us. When we feel fear in our bodies, it’s natural to look to others who appear stronger for their support. But don’t be tricked by the illusion! If you’re looking for someone to be strong on your behalf, she or he better possess sound character in addition to real strength—not coursing fear dressed up as bravado. After all, self-preservation is the number one goal of the “man behind the curtain!” Fear animates a cartoon strength, but at the end of the day, this kind of fake superpower will only look out for itself!